Pigeon Talk

PIGEON TALK

By: Nicholas Charles Profito

PART I

An old man stands in the light of a glowing street lamp in the park. Surrounding the park is a sprawling city.

Old Man: (sighs) The sun finally set. Of all the long days I’ve experienced on this earth, this day certainly felt the longest. (crunch) OOOOOO!!! My bones ache, maybe I should sit down. (move to bench comically slow.) (Sit on bench) ahhhhhhhhh. Much better. Well, this seems like an awfully cozy place, I should start to get some shut eye. (Starts to sleep but awakens with a snort) (address audience)

Ah! My friends, my friends! Come, come, come! I had hoped you all would’ve shown up. Now, now, now, don’t be shy you spritely young thangs! You should know by now that I don’t bite hehehe. Hey, don’t look at me like that! You very well know that yesterday at around this same time, I told you fellers that I don’t have any breadcrumbs to spare today. (Frantic) Hey, hey! Don’t fly away! I’m only kiddin’ after all, I always have breadcrumbs to spare for my birdie buddies! Woah, why the puzzled faces, lil’ pigeons? You all look like I just called you humans or somethin’! Eat up now, I wouldn’t want you guys to get hungry. Phew, it’s gettin’ a tad chilly out tonight. (shivers)  (look at “pigeon”) Aw, are you cold pal? Here, take this sweater. It may be a little big on ya! Hehehe, well don’t get it dirty now! (pauses) Actually, I DID find it in the trash, so I guess it can’t get much dirtier hehehe. Oh, friends, don’t worry about me! I have braved much colder days than this one while livin’ on these streets. You fellers are lucky you have feathers, they probably keep you at least a little warm. 

(pause)

Can I ask you birdies something? What is it like to fly? I mean, people can fly in an airplane, but I’ve never gotten a chance to do that, and I don’t think I ever will. Is it freeing? I bet it is. The wind in your wings, and the sprawling land laid below your feet. I wish I could fly with you fellers. These streets get tiring. I often don’t even know if I’m gonna wake up in the morning! You birdies are the only friends I got ya know, and one day, I’m gonna escape this concrete prison. I’ll fly with you fellers.

Huh? What’s that noise? Footsteps?

(a young man with a briefcase walks by)

(Desperately)

Hey, HEY! NO BIRDIES! PLEASE, DONT GO! DON’T FLY AWAY!! 

(Offstage) (Old man crying)

YOU WICKED, HORRIBLE MAN! YOU SCARED THEM! YOU SCARED MY FRIENDS!!

My…

My only friends.

Please… please come back tomorrow.

(A dirty sweater lays empty on the ground.)

PART II

A  young man is sitting in his apartment building, talking on the phone.

Young Man: Babe, It was literally crazy. All I wanted to do was take the shortcut home from work, and I get yelled at for scaring away some pigeons. He scared the **** outta me! (calmer) 

I mean, at first I was totally pissed! But, then I thought about it. Can a person really get that lonely? Like, can a person really feel that isolated that they have to talk to pigeons? I dunno, I guess I feel pretty bad for that old guy. Do you think I should try and find him tomorrow? Ya know, maybe try and talk to him?

….

You think I should? (chuckles) You always know what to say baby. I’m so thankful for you! 

I love you.

Talk to you tomorrow.

(He hangs up the phone)

END.