“Isaac Charles
184 South Main St.
New York City, NYC 10279”
The envelope sat in front of my door, slipped under the inconveniently big gap between the floor and my only “protection” from unwanted surprises, such as this one. The fact that whoever sent this letter was not only blind enough to miss the clearly available mailbox outside my door, but too lazy to write a return address ticked me off. What a cliché. If it weren’t for the intrigue this animosity brought me, I would’ve just thrown it with the pile of undiscarded spam mail in the corner of my kitchen. I opened the envelope to see the disappointing print of my landlord’s name handwritten in bold on folded notebook paper. Upon unfolding the paper I see the name is also the sender of a very lengthy letter, signifying that if I did not pay my bills soon, I would be on the streets. The letter was unusually informal, written in barely acceptable handwriting, and using very accusatory, impatient words. I knew this letter was coming, but I wasn’t expecting it to be written in such a cold, unsympathetic manner. It was uncharacteristic for my usually understanding landlord. Despite the weight of the letter, I had to leave for work, I couldn’t be any more late to my job, not that it would have mattered. I’m convinced my bosses don’t even know my name, I’m just another cubicle. Leaving the building, the first thing that caught my eye was the ugly pile of unsalted slush that accumulated bi-weekly during the winters. I guess it snowed last night. I wish I could still play in the snow like I did as a kid, but I couldn’t. Living only a block away from work meant I had no excuse to show up late after fooling around on my way to work. I had no excuse to enjoy whatever there was to enjoy in the world around me. I just had to work.
Upon entering my office building, I reached for the wallet in my side pocket to get my daily snack from the dim lit vending machine in the cubicle room, only to realize the pocket was opened for me, as well as emptied. The perks of living in the city. I was unbothered by this, I had come to expect bad things, you have to when living in Manhattan. My grandfather taught me to not carry all my cash on hand for situations just like this. Though I had money at home, I couldn’t help but be slightly annoyed that I couldn’t get my snack today. I guess I’ll do without food for a few hours. The rest of the workday was nothing significant, the usual barrage of unintelligible files that needed organizing. After an especially excruciating 6 hours, the concealed earbuds in my ear played that amazing alarm, signaling it was 3 o’clock, time to go home. As I shut down my computer I notice the woman from the cubicle adjacent to mine leaning on the wall we share, facing me. In an office large enough to fit hundreds of people in one room, it was not often I’d recognize someone as well as I recognized this woman. I hadn’t known her well enough to put a name on her, but I had recognized her from glimpses I’ve caught of her hard at work. Never in my 6 months of working here have I caught her slacking. One can only imagine how stressed this makes her, always first to leave the office, almost in a sprint. But not now, now she’s here, about to make her first interaction with a colleague. “Have a great day, Isaac.” Usually, when hearing this tired phrase I brush it off as just a simple farewell people use to show kindness, but hearing it here of all places was very unexpected, it had brought sincerity to the phrase. The chipper attitude the woman displayed was rare in this solemn workplace, especially from a woman like herself. I was so surprised I hadn’t realized how rude I was being by simply replying, “You too…” leaving a lingering space for her to fill her name in. “Millie”, she replied, picking up on my hint, not making this interaction any more awkward. As I repeat her name to her in acknowledgment, she walks for the door, leaving our first conversation as a simple “best wishes”. That’s what made it stranger, no “and by the way”, no ulterior motives, just a simple, unsolicited, display of kindness. Strange. Regardless, I had no time to dwell on this interaction, I needed food, desperately.
The moment I got home I put my stuff down and made myself a late lunch with whatever I had in the kitchen. While I was getting out my plate I noticed the letter I had received from my landlord, sitting on the counter. I decided to put it in a drawer, keeping it out of sight and out of mind until I was able to respond to it. I sat down with the subpar burger I had made and ended up watching TV for the rest of the day, the rest of my day at least, as I ended up falling asleep on my couch at around 7.
I woke up in a heavy sweat, as did most people when waking abruptly from an unwanted nap, but this time was different. I felt sick, as if something inside of me was trying to crawl its way out. My mind was clouded in all the negative thoughts I had been building up over the years, all the regret, the disappointment I brought my loved ones. The outside world became a blur, with my inner monologue becoming louder than ever. I felt trapped within myself, that I had to let myself go. I rushed towards the bathroom but getting there now would be like running a marathon, and it proved to be too far. I fell to my hands and knees and in an unbearably swift motion, coughed up something vile, whose identity I could not decipher.
Catching my breath, I looked around. The world around me seemed new and bright. In front of me, a vantablack puddle sat, a squirming specimen pulsing as if to imitate life. As I finished my thought, it slowly started to form an image. The longer I gazed at the creature the more I started to realize, that’s me. By the time it found its final form, I was staring at it as if looking at my own shadow. It started to emerge from its two dimensional plane, becoming even more of a copy of me as it stood up. I had never seen a creature like this before. Its edges were undefined, changing by the second as if it were a liquid. I reached out to touch the creature but almost as soon as I reached out my hand, it slithered for my door like a frightened snake. It gave paranoid shrieks, terrified of its own creator as it slipped under my door feet first as if someone had put a vacuum between the conveniently big gap between the floor and door. I felt no inclination to chase after the creature, surely it would get over its little tantrum soon enough. I kept my eyes on the door for a while longer, making sure the creature didn’t change its mind and give me a proper introduction before leaving. It was probably for the best that it didn’t return though, the bewilderment I just experienced exhausted me. I looked over at the digital clock next to my still playing television, it read, “2:53 AM” Time for bed. Though the confusion from the event that happened prior almost made me forget where my bed was, once I was in it I fell asleep almost instantly.
When I awoke I was immediately greeted by the glaring sun shining through my window like a spotlight. Today is my day. I looked through the cupboard next to my bed in search of a phone, only to be met by random items I had amassed over the years, most of which brought a surprising wave of memories. Among the items was an old switchblade, and next to it, a stack of cash I had left untouched for whatever reason. I folded the money and put it all in my pocket. Might as well have some more cash to spend. I entered my living room and immediately saw my phone on the couch, next to it, an empty but uncleaned plate. On my phone there was a notification telling me work was in an hour, the notification was sent out 30 minutes prior. This 30 minute gap gave me ample time to clean the plate, as well as the other dirty plates I found cluttered in the kitchen sink as I approached it. While cleaning I noticed a picture frame on the sliver of countertop behind the sink. The picture frame was facing the countertop it stood on. Picking up the picture, I saw an image of my family. My mother was happy as ever, father standing proud, and behind us, my grandparents looked cheerily at the camera. My grandfather in particular intrigued me. I hadn’t shared many memories with him, only the occasional fishing trip and family gathering. I could only assume he was alive. He looked on the younger end in the photo, young for a grandparent that is, and the photo had been taken when I was seemingly in my early teens. Confusion aside, it was time for work. I was remembering the route I took on my first day at the job, the route I always took to work. How convenient, being only a block away from work.
Leaving the building, the first thing I noticed was a massive patch of snow, slipping its way through the oversalted roads and sidewalks. Living in the middle of the city, I’ll take whatever snow I can get. As I entered the office I saw it in a way I hadn’t since my first day on the job. The massive room was buzzing with keyboards clacking away, hard at work. It was like everyone was working together to reach a shared goal, like we were a team. I immediately turned to the vending machine, having plenty of cash to get whatever I desired. The colorful display of snacks lit up the room in an almost mesmerizing light. There were so many options to pick from, but I had to go with my favorite, peanut M&M’s and Skinny Pop, the perfect combination of sustaining but tasty snacks for my workday. I sat in my cubicle and immediately got to work. As I sorted through the files I had been given, I had come to appreciate the system, it was fun figuring out what goes where, almost like a puzzle. I was so enthralled by the work that I nearly jumped out of my seat upon hearing the sudden shout of my phone. As I picked it up to silence it, I saw the alarm’s simple title, “Time to go home.” Guess that’s my queue. I shut down my computer and turned to leave, only to see my coworker, Millie, waiting for me. “You’re eager to get out of here, huh?” she asked in a playful tone. “It’s only a reminder, I guess I forgot to silence it today.” I left the cubicle while we silently agreed to follow each other out of the office. “You know, I always thought you were a bit of a slacker, Isaac.” She said as we neared the doors to our office room. “Not that I mind, I always found it funny hearing you scramble to act busy whenever the boss walked by.” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I replied with a sarcastic tone while we laughed it off, though I truly had no idea what she was talking about. The idea of my boss even almost yelling at me was terrifying, especially since I don’t mind the work they give us.
As we exited the building I explained, “Well, I live right down this street, it was nice to finally speak with you.” “You’re going home already? I was going to eat at that burger place a few blocks down if you want to join me.” And join her I did. We ate until sunset before we parted ways, and we had fun. Good old nonsensical fun. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I enjoyed myself, especially with another person. I dropped Millie off at her house and now I was walking home alone, though you were never truly alone in this city. I didn’t mind the trip, the city lights lit every step of my path. That was until I stumbled upon a dark alley. The contrast caught my eye and upon turning my gaze to investigate, I found it was not the lack of light darkening the alley, it was a creature similar to the one I had seen the night before, under it, a beaten up man, breathless as the creature stared intently at his soul. Right after my arrival, the creature snapped its head to face me, the next moment, it slithered deeper in the alley, shrieking in embarrassment. I was stuck frozen, staring down the alley. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling, a rush of terror mixed with a broken heart that someone, or something would put another person in harm’s way. I had never seen something so evil. It was now I realized these creatures weren’t just creatures, they were monsters.
The rest of my walk home was spent in mental silence, I couldn’t believe what I had seen, and all I wanted was to get home and get to bed. The only thing on my mind while I lied in bed was the fact that I had a monster version of myself, and what he could’ve been doing. It was hard to pinpoint what exactly these creatures were, but what I did know was that they were unstable monsters that spouted negativity and fear as if it made up their liquidy flesh. It took a while, but eventually I was able to catch some sleep.
I woke up early that morning. I had two hours to spare before I could go to work, not even the breakfast I decided to make myself occupied me. I decided to burn a few minutes by turning on the news, only to be met by a shocking headline. “SHADOWS EMERGE! UNKNOWN CREATURES SPREAD CHAOS IN THE NIGHTS.” I knew these creatures could only be one thing. I paid all my attention to the screen, as a man with a stern expression started to speak. “At around nightfall last night, hundreds of civilians reported sightings of silhouettes running the streets, bringing chaos to anyone who dared cross their path. These creatures, who social media is referring to as ‘Shadows’, are reported to exhibit violent, but frightened behaviors. It is recommended that you avoid these creatures at all costs, but if you do come in contact with one, you must treat it as if it were a black bear, get big and loud to scare it off.” Just as the man says this an unfittingly sympathetic woman interjects, visibly disregarding the teleprompter guiding her speech, saying, “Do we really know these Shadows are here to hurt us? If you poke a bear, it’ll attack. How do we know we’re not the reason these things are angry. I’d be pretty grumpy too if I just moved into this city and everyone hated me for no reason. Maybe we all need to take a look in the mirror and see we are just like them.” When I heard that, I was in utter disbelief. Why does it matter what prompted them? They’re attacking us, that’s all that matters. If you think humans act like them, then you are just speaking for yourself. I couldn’t listen to the news anymore. I started flipping through the channels. “Antidepressant stock crashes! Have the depressed gone delighted?” I hear on one station, “Worker stress is at an all time low!” I hear on the next. Aside from these monsters, everyone seemed to be happy. Regardless of the good news on the other stations, as long as I was watching TV I couldn’t get my mind off what was on the news. I didn’t want to waste any more of my energy on thinking about the negativity in the world, so I left home early to take a walk before work. I left home with my usual phone and cash, but to be safe, I added my switchblade to my leaving list.
March 8, 2025 – I’m not too sure how to start this. My therapist told me to make this journal, not sure how it’ll help, but I guess I could try it out. This city’s going down and it’s bringing me down with it. My name is Isaac Charles, says so on the inner cover of this book, but I thought I’d rewrite it here, this is my story after all. I would start with my childhood, but recently I’ve been made aware that my past is something I can’t trust anymore. The only starting point in my life I can be certain of is December 28, 2024, 3 months ago, the night I was reborn. On that night, I saw myself through a shattered mirror, I met my Shadow. Though I was shocked, as anyone would be, I was nowhere near comprehending the gravity of the situation I was in, these creatures were a mystery after all, to all of us. The next day was probably the happiest I’ve been since I was a young kid, I met Millie, I had simple fun, oblivious to the problems life had to bring me, until I passed that alley. I stood there in fear, unable to move. The lack of trouble in my life beforehand left me ill prepared for when my feet truly needed me. I didn’t even check up on the man I was supposed to be feeling for. I was only thinking about preventing his situation from becoming a shared one. Had I been who I am today, been through what I’ve been through, maybe that man would still be walking the streets of the city. He was one of the first “victims”. It was later found he had a knife on him, so maybe he just got burned for playing with fire, but regardless, he became a catalyst to what was once the greatest mysteries of the world. Once their violence was on full display, the Shadows became top priority in the world of research, with the number one question being “why?” There were many different explanations for the violent creatures, drugs, left wing media, built up stress releasing people like a bullet, to this day we haven’t pinpointed a specific explanation. All we know for certain is that they are our bad memories, every trouble we’ve been through in life, taken from us and personified into a sensitive, killing monster. Most people took this as a good thing, without their past troubles they could live leisurely, as long as the monsters were vilified, looked down upon. People seem to forget that they were the monsters at some point. I’d argue the Clean Slate State isn’t too great either. People lose their sympathy, having not lived through troubles themselves. I guess it takes the equilibrium of good and bad to make a decent human. Yet the bad is banished. Almost makes you feel bad for them. Almost. I wasn’t so quick to accept this reality, the thought of missing out on my past terrifies me, despite its apparent tragic nature. I want to remember my first injury, my first heartbreak, my family. Maybe if I had known the sinking feeling of hopelessness beforehand, I would’ve been ready for New Years day. The sentiment of “new year new me” was very popular that day, as my landlord decided to boot me from my apartment. I had to ask Millie, who I am still staying with to this day, for a place to stay. One of these days I got to give her a real display of my appreciation for the things she’s done for me. For the longest time I’ve wondered if she has a Shadow, or if she’s just this nice out of the kindness in her heart. Maybe I’ll ask her at some point. She’s been undeservingly supportive of me in this rough patch I’m going through, I hate having her see me like this. I need change, to grow. I need to find the truth, find my Shadow. I don’t know how to get my memories back from it, or if that’s even possible, but someone needs to try. The past three months of my life have been in ignorance, ignorance that has been eating me alive since the day I learned what I am missing out on. I’m going out tonight, and I will search every containment unit until I find him. If my Shadow is uncontained, I will search the empty streets until my Shadow is once again under me. Both approaches could bring me my death, but I would rather die trying to live, than live okay with death. If my next journal entry isn’t tomorrow, I have lost my ability to write. – Isaac Charles
March 9th, 2025 – My name is Isaac Charles. I guess I’m supposed to write my daily happenings in here, so here we go. My day actually starts with last night. I met the strangest man. He looked just like me…
