Cast of Characters
Beatrice:
She is the Bride of Frankenstein’s monster, crafted by Victor Frankenstein himself. She is proud, standoffish, but deeply cares for those around her. She is quick to cast judgment.
Carmilla:
She is a vampire, and romantically intertwined with Beatrice
Lilith:
Mother of monsters and the original Eve, she is powerful, stubborn, and wise. She rules over Hell with Lucifer at her side.
Medusa:
Long after her strife with Perseus, she has resigned to sewing her own eyes shut to prevent further destruction.
Ida:
She is a traditional Irish fairy, full of tricks, whimsy, and delight.
Lucifer:
Husband to Lilith, he rules over Hell.
The Monster:
Frankenstein’s monster. He wishes for his bride, Beatrice, to return to him after she had been destroyed by Victor. She has recovered, and he is looking forward to finally having her.
SCENE 1
Beatrice’s house, night.
BEATRICE: For whatever record worth keeping, I am not Elizabeth. I am not the darling wife to the beloved sinner. Nor am I the product of love and creation. I am pure horror. I am the decay that was not allowed to rot. I was never meant to exist. You might say that Beatrice was, but to call me Beatrice would be a simplification of something you do not understand. For I am just as much Beatrice as a snail is the shell. As a polyp is the coral. They say that by the end of your lifecycle, all of your cells will have replaced themselves times over. If that is to be true, then what are you really? What constitutes consciousness? I find myself asking this as I rest in the day. For I am not the darling resurrected wife, no. I was the original product for that brute. The reason that I exist is purely sensual. Purely out of reverence for the female form. Every appendage of me plucked to be beautiful. But look at me, I am quite horrid, am I not? The flesh is already rotten, isn’t it? I am not a creature of God, my soul is no longer pure. I do not pretend that that name means anything to me, for I know no mercy. I am the demented product of manufactured humanity. For what am I, if not human? I have all the parts. I have a brain, and a conscience, so what about resurrection changes that? The dead do not stop being humans once they’ve died, so why am I any different? Victor, you do not understand in the slightest what you have done. I was reborn. You destroyed me out of the fear of your own monstrous actions. The realization of the sins that stained your fingers as my blood pumped cold into your quiet laboratory. I am a prize of appeasement, smashed to bits. But you cannot kill again what has already been entombed, (chuckling) nor would you know how to. My brain cannot fail, the neurons can never be replaced. That is what makes me Beatrice. I am the brain floating in the glass jar. Dear Victor, give rest to the bleeding. (Lights on the rest of the stage go up. Beatrice sits on the couch next to Carmilla.)
BEATRICE: (exasperated) I’m tired of it. I’m going.
IDA: Come on Beatrice, what do you mean?
BEATRICE: I’m leaving him, dumped.
CARMILLA: (intrigued) Dumped! Gone, for good?
LILITH: (deadpan) You broke it off.
MEDUSA: (wearing an opaque wedding veil to shield her face) [quickly] Actually broke up with him?
IDA: (excitedly scandalized) You’re engaged!
MEDUSA: So what, you left him at the altar?
LILITH: They haven’t even gotten married yet.
IDA: But imagine the thrill! He’d look like a fool, up there all by himself.
LILITH: That’d never work, he’d hunt her down.
BEATRICE: (loudly, to talk over them) May I speak?
CARMILLA: Yes, please, please. So what happened?
BEATRICE: Nothing! I couldn’t break it off! (pause, dejected) He bought me a ring.
IDA: (disappointed) Awww.
MEDUSA: Then what was all of that about?
BEATRICE: (gazing sadly at her ring) He wants to be married, really married.
CARMILLA: The monster. (a correction). Or- the Doctor??
BEATRICE: No, not the Doctor. Although, that would be just as horrid.
IDA: I’m lost- you’re engaged to His monster?
BEATRICE: Yes.
IDA: You want to break it off.
MEDUSA: Obviously.
LILITH: Let her speak for herself.
BEATRICE: It’s fine. (clarifying) Victor created me in the same fashion of my fiance. To satiate the monstrous lust. Me, Victor’s second creation, the one he didn’t finish. Suddenly aware of his own hands, he destroyed what he had labored so delicately over. But he could not kill what was already dead.
CARMILLA: The dead return.
BEATRICE: The dead return. The dead can’t stay dead when they should. Where and when they should stay put in the ground, they don’t. They’re dug up. They dig themselves up! It’s terrible, living like this.
MEDUSA: It’s not so bad, we’ll just call it off.
LILITH: It’s not that simple. He’ll hunt her down.
IDA: How do you know?
BEATRICE: He’s done it before. He hunted Victor for the rest of his miserable life. He would track me until I eventually submit.
LILITH: (suddenly furious) Never lie down for Man!
MEDUSA: Lilith, it’s ok. Beatrice can handle herself.
CARMILLA: (Back on track) So, you need another plan, just as well!
BEATRICE: I need a drink.
CARMILLA: Then have a glass! (Carmilla gestures and Ida brings them glasses of wine)
BEATRICE: (Nursing a glass of blood red wine) There’s no point, my loves, I’ll be a rotting house wife for the rest of my days.
CARMILLA: Oh shut up, don’t speak like that. There’s always a way out.
MEDUSA: How have you avoided him thus far?
BEATRICE: I tell him I’m waiting to move in together until we’re married!
LILITH: And sex is abstained…?
BEATRICE: Until the grave.
IDA: Then you’re already on your way! You’ve got what, at least a few months until the ceremony?
BEATRICE: A week, actually.
CARMILLA: What?!
BEATRICE: He moved it up! And when I tried to say, ‘hey, let’s wait! I want a nice venue, flowers, a fitted dress, and that’ll take so long to arrange!’ he accused me of stalling, and said a private ceremony is fine.
LILITH: Did he threaten you?
BEATRICE: (sarcastic) I don’t know, the hand on my throat did so seem to imply.
MEDUSA: We’re doing something, we’re getting you out. You’re stuck with him no longer. Consider it a favor.
LILITH: (continued) The only natural conclusion.
IDA: Which is?
MEDUSA: Simple. We kill him.
SCENE 2
Lights up on Beatrice’s bedroom. Beatrice is trying on wedding accessories in her wedding dress. She checks herself in the mirror and does not like what she sees. The dress is torn and does not fit her. Enter Carmilla.
CARMILLA: Beatrice. I must tell you, I have been thinking about yesterday.
BEATRICE: (apathetic) About yesterday.
CARMILLA: About the plan to kill your Monster!
BEATRICE: Oh so there’s a plan now?
CARMILLA: Yes! I think I know how we do it. We poison him! You feed him dinner, wine and dine him, then slip some cyanide in the red. (mimes pouring a glass of wine and poisoning it, then drinking it and dying.)
BEATRICE: He won’t drink wine, Carmilla. He eats like a squirrel.
CARMILLA: (frustrated) You never liked my ideas.
BEATRICE: I didn’t say I didn’t like it. The wine and dine idea, there’s something there. At the very least, it’d give him a reason to come over. But the method needs amendment.
CARMILLA: Oh please, you really are cynical. (Carmilla slowly approaches Beatrice from behind and puts her hands on her waist. It is sweet, but there’s an underlying tenseness)
BEATRICE: You don’t mean that.
CARMILLA: Maybe I do, you don’t know that.
BEATRICE: Please, you would’ve left me a long time ago if that were the case. You had every chance to give up while you put me back together. (Carmilla leans over and kisses Beatrice’s neck, who melts into the touch. They are entranced. Carmilla bites her neck, and the moment is shattered.) Something wrong?
BEATRICE: I’m not Laura.
CARMILLA: What does that have to do with anything?
BEATRICE: It has to do with everything! The way you hold me, the way you bite my neck! You told me about what you two were like when you were alone together. And when I feel your teeth, how can I know I’m not next? (She pushes Carmilla off of her)
CARMILLA: You know this is sensitive for me! I didn’t kill her, I loved her!
BEATRICE: You clearly still do.
CARMILLA: What are you insinuating?
BEATRICE: Maybe you should try getting over the past before you move onto greener pastures.
CARMILLA: Beatrice, all I have ever done was help you!
BEATRICE: You’re just trying to help yourself.
CARMILLA: What are you saying. (not a question)
BEATRICE: I think you should leave.
CARMILLA: What? Beatrice, I–
BEATRICE: I said you should leave!
CARMILLA: (pause) Fine! Plan your own damn murder! Go cry to Lillith about how nobody loves you. (Carmilla storms off. Blackout.)
SCENE 3:
Hell. Lilith’s home. Spotlight on Beatrice alone for her monologue.
BEATRICE: Carmilla may not have been entirely wrong. As much as I hated to give her any credit at that moment, I took her advice, and I went to Lilith. (Lights up. Lilith enters, she is holding Lucifer on a leash who follows behind her.)
LILITH: Heel! (Lucifer quickly joins her side.) Down! (Lucifer gets on his knees). I said, Down! (Lilith rolls Lucifer over onto his back by kicking him in her heels. She stands, casually, with one hand holding the leash up high and a foot on his chest.) Sorry about that.
BEATRICE: I hope I’m not interrupting?
LILITH: Never. Don’t mind him. He sometimes forgets his place.
BEATRICE: I need your advice. About everything.
LILITH: I figured. (Lilith crosses upstage to Lucifer’s throne and plants herself there, Lucifer sits under her feet and she props her feet up on his back. Beatrice sits on Lilith’s throne.) What’s going on?
BEATRICE: I snapped at Carmilla again. She was trying to help me get out of this marriage, and I told her to leave.
LILITH: While I am surely sympathetic to your relationship, that is not really why you’re here, though, is it?
BEATRICE: It’s the murder. I’m going through with it.
LILITH: I was waiting for you to say that. So! How are we doing this? Kill him in his sleep? Slice his head off? Castration and lobotomy?
BEATRICE: I hadn’t thought too much about that yet. I was thinking he could come over for dinner where we’ll strike, however.
LILITH: We? Who else have you recruited so far?
BEATRICE: No one. Well, Carmilla. But, no one. I told her to leave.
LILITH: tsk tsk tsk, always burning bridges, m’love. You know you’re going to have to make it up to her majorly, right?
BEATRICE: (sigh) yes, I know.
LILITH: Then we’re on the same page here. Why don’t you make amends and get the recruiting out of the way, I’ll bring the armory.
BEATRICE: (standing) Alright. And one last thing?
LILITH: Yes?
BEATRICE: Can I– (pause) Does he– Will– May I talk to him? (Lilith contemplates Lucifer, then nods. Beatrice bends down some to speak to him. Lilith looks around, trying to be polite) Lucifer! How is hell treating you?
LUCIFER: Oh you know, the same. Got the ole ball and chain tying me down haha! We’ve got an arrangement. But it’s been alright. I hear you’re getting married, huh Beatrice?
BEATRICE: Ugh, don’t get me started. But what’s this arrangement you speak of?
LUCIFER: Well, I’m her husband of course, and that’s wonderful and all, but we’ve got desires! We can’t really be tied down, can we darling?
LILITH: No no no, not my Lucy.
LUCIFER: Heheh, so we spend half the time like this, then the other half I get to rule on my throne again! But you know me, and you know her! She has you ladies, and I have, well, not a lot actually.
BEATRICE: Wow! I thought you’d be more upset about this.
LUCIFER: Eh, it does kill the back but I’ll take it. Lilith’s not someone you want to oppose (nervous laugh).
BEATRICE: Hey, I hear that. Are you coming for tea with the ladies tomorrow?
LUCIFER: Nah, sorry. That’s her day off, so I’m running the ship down here. Have fun though! Make Lily save me one of Ida’s scones. I don’t know what she puts in there, but I’m hooked!
BEATRICE: Oh, nono don’t eat anything of hers. It’s fey food.
LUCIFER: (meekly) What?
BEATRICE: Nevermind, you’re fine. I’ll catch you around, Luce.
LUCIFER: Bye Beatrice!
LILITH: Take care, we’ll discuss this more tomorrow like you said.
BEATRICE: Alright, have fun here.
LILITH: You don’t have to tell me that, darling. (Lilith maniacally laughs as Beatrice exits, blackout.)
SCENE 4:
Int. Beatrice’s house. Morning tea and brunch. There is the fancy sitting couch, and a few nice chairs around a little table. There is tea and snacks. Beatrice and Medusa.
BEATRICE: –And that’s why I was wondering if you’d help me execute the plan.
MEDUSA: (wearing all white; gloves and a blood soaked ascot around her neck to hide where she’d been beheaded) The murder? Of course, wasn’t it implied? I think I suggested it.
BEATRICE: Right, but still. You had the opportunity to back out.
MEDUSA: And there’s always an opportunity to follow through. My love, we do not leave another behind. (Beatrice holds Medusa’s hand, gazing where eyes would be if she could see them. Beatrice kisses her hand.)
BEATRICE: Medusa, thank you– (Ida enters. Glad) Ida!
IDA: I made scones!
MEDUSA: Oh, hello. We were just discussing the murder. (Ida sets the scones on the table and sits in between Medusa and Beatrice, largely sitting in Medusa’s lap)
IDA: How absolutely magnificent! Here, eat this. (She hands Medusa a scone, who eats it behind the veil) Beatrice, it is what, Wednesday now? We have so little time to plan this. Are we beheading him?
BEATRICE: (hesitant) I’m not sure if that is the most effective method.
IDA: What do you mean? Head comes right off! No head, no more life! It really could not be any simpler.
MEDUSA: Ok, but how do we go about that? The monster is 8 feet tall and horrendously strong, do you think any of us could overpower him physically?
IDA: Well you could just turn him to stone!
MEDUSA: I don’t really do (pause) men.
IDA: (pace and tempers increase) What if he was asleep?
BEATRICE: His reflexes are uncanny, he’s conditioned to sleep with one eye open.
IDA: We get him from behind!
MEDUSA: Do you know how much force it takes to sever someone’s head?!
IDA: (screaming) Why don’t you think I can do this?
MEDUSA: (matching her) You are NAIVE, Ida! You don’t– (Ida snaps her fingers, Medusa freezes and slumps against the couch, seemingly asleep. Beatrice stares in wonder. Silence, for a moment.)
BEATRICE: (softly, toneless?) What did you do?
IDA: I don’t, I. She ate my scone. It’s fey food. It’s magic. I’m so sorry-!
BEATRICE: (Monologuing) Despite her horror at what she’d done, Ida inspired me. Faye food. That was the key. To subdue him just enough to where an actual assassination attempt would stick. But when? I’d have to wait, perhaps in our wedding cake we imbue a little enchantment. Ida cooks, ‘she cooks wonderfully’ we’ll say. She’ll have to cater our wedding, I’ll say. It only makes sense. But to account for his habits, he’s never been trustful. Do you know how frustrating that is? He got me, I still rose and was created, he won. Victor (hesitation- not wanting to speak ill of the dead, but bluntly) you died. But your legacy has lived on. In your monster, you imparted your distaste of love and all things feminine. (self deprecating/ pitying. A joke with no humor in it.) Such a shame for me to have thrown away the only one who had truly loved me.
SCENE 5:
Ext. Carmilla’s gothic castle, night. Enter Beatrice, holding a bouquet of mismatched flowers. Some are wilted, it is ugly. Beatrice knocks twice with an ornate knocker. Carmilla comes to the door.
CARMILLA: Beatrice?
BEATRICE: (shyly) Hi.
CARMILLA: What are you doing here? What’s with the flowers?
BEATRICE: I came to apologize.
CARMILLA: (crossing her arms and leaning against her door) I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. Since I was apparently using you.
BEATRICE: I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry I accused you of not loving me. You’re worth more than I deserve.
CARMILLA: Well, we’re monsters. Maybe you really were just wish fulfillment. Maybe I did settle for you.
BEATRICE: (clearly hurt, trying not to take it personally. Deflecting the jab) I got you flowers, I picked them myself.
CARMILLA: (she takes them, thumbs through the petals) I can see that, they’re quite ugly.
BEATRICE: I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, and I’m too prideful to ask you for it. But I want to explain myself. I love you. I’ve never loved another in my death. You have always been the guiding moonlight in my darkest night. You found me half buried, limping from the grave. You finished my half-done stitching. Your kiss was the lifeblood in my veins. Carmilla, that night I was ungrateful and distraught. I need you more than I’d like to admit to myself, but I will admit it to you. I was fearful that I had lost my choice again, like I had lost the choice to even exist. I was fearful I would only be an object to appease a Monster.
CARMILLA: (Guilty at being cruel and clearly in love too) What do you expect me to say to that?
BEATRICE: I don’t know. Nothing I suppose.
CARMILLA: Okay. Thank you for the flowers, Beatrice.
BEATRICE: You’re welcome. I should be off.
CARMILLA: Before you go, I will be with you on your wedding night. (Beatrice smiles, and Carilla takes the flowers inside.)
SCENE 6
Int. Beatrice’s house, unspecified. It is decorated like the “Say Yes to the Dress” room. Beatrice is wearing a torn white wedding dress. She stands by a full length mirror, there is a couch on SR where Medusa and Lilith sit. They both wear black.
LILITH: Looking good, toots.
MEDUSA: You really do look beautiful, like the moon in the night sky.
BEATRICE: I am far too anxious to feel beautiful.
LILITH: Such a shame, perhaps realizing your grace would give you the confidence you need to kill your husband.
BEATRICE: Ha ha. I don’t think it works like that.
MEDUSA: Are you sure you have everything ready?
LILITH: Shh, don’t make her second guess herself. Everything is under control, darling. Ida should be getting dressed now, but she will confirm that everything is alright on her end. We’ve got this.
MEDUSA: What did you say to him? To get him to agree, I mean.
BEATRICE: I told him I’d give him anything he wanted, if he just gave me the wedding. Let me have my one desire, then I’d serve him for the rest of our existence. He seemed to like that.
MEDUSA: Wow. That really is quite the promise.
BEATRICE: He’s not the type to concede unless I give him an incentive.
LILITH: I understand all too well how that is. First it was we’re equals, then it was you have to lie underneath me, I’m the man here! And like- it’s the beginning of humanity? What do you mean you’re the man here, gender roles didn’t even exist yet!
BEATRICE: I was only created to be the wife of a monster! I wasn’t intended to have a personality! Or friends! Or to feel love. I was created just to get the Monster off of Victor’s back. But not anymore, this is my story.
LILITH: Damn right it is. Come, let’s go do your hair.
BEATRICE: (comforted) Okay.
IDA: (rushing in from SR) Oh Beatrice, you look wonderful! Everything is taken care of, we only wait on your groom.
LILITH: And this hair! Jesus Bea, have you ever brushed your hair? It’s like a rat’s nest.
BEATRICE: I do not own a brush.
MEDUSA: It looks fine to me.
IDA: Where’s Carmilla, by the way? I thought you were only waiting on me?
BEATRICE: Uhm. She’s–
LILITH: She won’t be coming.
IDA: What happened this time?
BEATRICE: Can we not talk about it? It’s fine, we talked it out. She’ll be here for the funeral.
MEDUSA: The what?
BEATRICE: Reception. What did I say?
IDA: You said funeral.
BEATRICE: Oh, same difference.
MEDUSA: Sure. I’ll be at the altar then.
LILITH: (finding an excuse to give up on Beatrice’s hair) Yes, good point. We should really be in our places.
BEATRICE: Already? The ceremony won’t be for a little while, and actually, I think maybe I want to go with a veil, instead. Why don’t I just try on the one with the train–
MEDUSA: You do want to be prepared, don’t you?
BEATRICE: Of course I do, but I just think–
IDA: Stop overthinking it! Go get in position by the altar with Medusa!
LILITH: I’ll be watching outside for your man to show up.
MEDUSA: Come, I’ll lead the way.
BEATRICE: (inner monologue) Victor, I wish you had succeeded at killing me. I wish you had smashed every last piece of me to bits. I wish you’d had the nerve to follow through with it. I wish Carmilla hadn’t been so kind. That she hadn’t helped me the way that she did. I wish Medusa never sewed her eyes shut so she could curse me now. I wish Lilith hadn’t taken me in and given me somewhere to stay. I wish Ida hadn’t mesmerized me with her charms. And I wish the monster never found me. (pause) But it was far too late for wishes to come true. Far too late for good fortune or magic. Perhaps only late enough for me to kill him. I wanted to see his face. I wanted him to regret every thought he had about me being his. I wanted him to run screaming to the hills at the mere sight of my face. And yet, indescribably, I wanted to be beautiful to him. Despite my loathing, a part of me still wanted his approval. Why? Why should I care what something lower than the dirt I was dug up from thinks of me? Was this the old Beatrice’s doing? Was it her will still surviving? And what does that say about us! No matter how many times we were beaten down, no matter how much I hated him, why was I still desperate for appeasement? Could it have been Beatrice, who fought tooth and nail to live, only to die at her father’s hands anyways. She who looked up to him, and had that admiration shoved up her arse, literally and figuratively. No, surely it shouldn’t. But then again, what other principle had she been raised with, if not for the approval of men? For the love of her father, to find a husband, to please her teasing brothers, how much abuse could do that away? And at the most very basic level of me, am I not just as much Elizabeth as I am anything else? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe, I am less the brain in the glass jar, and more the puppet tangled in the strings. Acting with what I assumed was my own free will, but had been pulled by other powers all along. Victor, why could you not have cared more about what you were doing. Why did you have to choose her? No, Me. Me and her, for me is her as in I am she and she is me and we were always one in the end, what about us did you choose? Beauty, again? How I still looked darling as fresh blood turned to clay? What does it say about how I was raised that I should still be hoping for the man behind it all to find something special about me? And why was I only realizing that we were more similar than different right now, Beatrice? Why could I have not shown you, me, I, us, more kindness before I was being led to the altar? That maybe I would get over this hope for approval, and I could instead be impressed by the skill in which Lilith had orchestrated my house into a venue. Or be amazed by the towering tiers of Ida’s cake, which she’s poured her own tears into. Or be thankful of Medusa’s false vows, or that maybe I could intend them for someone else. Or, or. To be in love with the one whom I should have given the time of night. For shame, as the clock strikes midnight, all would fall into place. (Sounds of a grandfather clock ringing, before the strike of lightning and The Monster appearing at the door. He is giant and towering over the tall woman.)
MONSTER: Where is she?!
LILITH: Please, please, she awaits for you at the altar. A bite of cake? It’s tradition.
MONSTER: Not necessary, I’d like to get this over with. I have been waiting all too long for this day to come.
LILITH: Then you will have a bite of cake. Beast, you swore to honor her request. Eat the piece, and she will wait for you like a trophy on a pulpit. (Frankenstein’s monster grumbles, but eats the cake anyway. He pushes past Lilith to get to the altar. Medusa and Beatrice wait at the stand, Ida sits in a single pew. As Frankenstein stalks slowly down the aisle, a discordant tune can be heard playing hauntingly on the organ. Lilith hurries to sit beside Ida. Medusa clears her throat)
MEDUSA: Fairies and Monsters, we are gathered here today to celebrate the unholy union between these two undead souls. (Her words fade out quietly to hear whispering between Lilith and Ida)
LILITH: Psst, at what point should your fairy thing start working its magic?
IDA: Uhm, well I’d anticipate very soon, but he is much larger than I was previously estimating, and then compounded with the portion of cake he was served… (She makes a vague noise in place of an answer)
LILITH: God damn it. Do we have a plan B?
IDA: Axe murder and hope for the best?
LILITH: That’s not a plan, Ida, that’s wish fulfillment!
IDA: Look! It should be fine, he’s already starting to sway. (Ida points, and as Medusa tunes back in, the Monster sure enough has begun to sway on his feet, finding it hard to stay upright and keep his eyes open.)
MEDUSA: Do you, Sir, take Beatrice as your unlawfully wedded wife? Will you honor and cherish her; love, trust, and commit to her, through joy and pain, sickness and health, and whatever life may throw at you both-
MONSTER: Yes yes, hurry it up already. I do. (His words are slightly slurred, Beatrice is furious and aghast, but silent)
MEDUSA: … And do you, Beatrice, take His divine Monster to be your unlawfully wedded husband. Through sickness and health, through peace and war, until death do you part?
BEATRICE: I–
CARMILLA: (Bursting through the doors and running in with an axe above her head) I object! (Ida gasps)
LILITH: Carmilla, what are you doing? This is not the time for–
CARMILLA: I don’t care anymore! I don’t care! I’ve danced around this problem for far too long, and I’ve had ENOUGH!
MONSTER: (Attentive and awake) What the hell is going on? Is this a setup?
BEATRICE: No! I didn’t think, I didn’t know! I want to marry you!
MONSTER: LIAR! You are a lying fool, you’d do better for me dead than alive! (He storms her and grabs her by the neck) You are a cheat! You are nothing but a whore, and everyone just pretends to put up with you! I will show you what a real man is. (Carmilla charges up behind him and swings at him with her axe. He drops Beatrice and whips around to grab at her. In a panic, she throws the axe to Lilith)
LILITH: Finally! Maybe you were right, Ida.
MEDUSA: Help her! (Medusa and Ida help Beatrice up, while Lilith joins Carmilla and fends him off. Lilith gets a good hit at his arm, he holds it to stop the blood and tries to overpower Lilith with the axe. Carmilla jumps onto the Monster and bites him in the neck. He falls, she drinks his blood, then sits up and wipes her mouth on her sleeve.)
CARMILLA: Beatrice! Are you ok? I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you had your own plan. I should have been involved, of course I knew you didn’t mean it. I was stubborn.
BEATRICE: Don’t talk to me about stubbornness, it took me 3 days to apologize to you!
CARMILLA: (Lightening the mood with a joke) You’re right, I was perfectly in the right. (Beatrice punches her arm lightly) Ow!
BEATRICE: Oh come on, that did not hurt.
CARMILLA: You don’t know that! I could be mortally wounded now.
BEATRICE: What, do you want me to kiss it better?
CARMILLA: Yes actually, that’s sort of why I’m here.
BEATRICE: Ah, mhmm. Well in that case–
LUCIFER (entering with a large flower arrangement): I brought the bouquet– oh, oh! He’s DEAD!
LILITH: I told you to wait in the car!
LUCIFER: I got bored! You forgot to roll the windows down!
LILITH: You have the keys!
LUCIFER: I know, that’s how I went to go get these lovely flowers. I’ll just leave them here, I guess. (He places the bouquet on the body of the Monster)
BEATRICE: Why are you here?
LUCIFER: To congratulate you on your first murder! And to ask if you still wanted him for, uh, anything?
BEATRICE: What?
MEDUSA: Why do you want his body?
LILITH: Do not ask, you do not want to know.
IDA: I mean, that would solve the problem of having a corpse.
BEATRICE: (Apprehensive and slightly sarcastic) Go wild, man.
LUCIFER: Ok, enjoy your festivities! I’ll take him to the car, Lily. (Lucifer throws the bouquet up and Carmilla catches it. He proceeds to drag the Monster off stage.)
CARMILLA: Maybe there’s still some use left of this set up.
IDA: You don’t mean?
CARMILLA: Beatrice No-longer-bride-of-Frankenstein’s-Monster, would you make me the happiest vampire half-dead, and marry me?
BEATRICE: Yes! Of course, yes!
END OF PLAY
